My Recent Ordeal & Enlightenment on How To Stay Calm When Treated Unjustly
It is common for us to lose our cool when we felt wronged. Same goes to me and I nearly suffered from depression due to an incident which occurred to me recently. Hence I would like to share about my recent ordeal and how to stay calm when treated unjustly.
My experience is definitely not a glamorous one & I expect myself to be judged after I post about this. However, I need to get some stifled emotions out of my chest so that I can feel better. I am a Beauty & Lifestyle blogger but I hope to share a personal aspect of my life here with all of you.
My OCD Syndrome
Both hubs & I got our own apartment when we got married but we need to repay our renovation loans etc. So the hubs proposed to tenant one of our vacant rooms out to help subsidise our monthly expenses. I was against this initially as I think most newly weds would prefer to have more privacy.
As someone with mild OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) & being a perfectionist, I would love my first home to look perfect at all times. This includes:
- things placed back in order after use
- kitchen & common areas to be clean & tidy at all times
- kitchen countertop & floors to be free from splatters of water at all times
- my property & household appliances to be treated with care at all times
I used to have teething issues with my previous tenants messing up my common areas. As time passed, I more or less reconciled with the differences we have and am much less confrontational about cleanliness and bad habits which I used to think are annoying.
My Traumatising Ordeal
About 1 week ago, we allowed our tenant’s mom to put up in the tenanted room for 8 days out of goodwill (and for a nominal fee) as she was in Singapore for a short stay.
As Christians, we were taught to respect the elderly and be courteous to them at all times so I kind of put up with most of her antics including:
- Using my washing machine without permission on my designated laundry day (we had a laundry rooster to stick to but we let it slide since she might be unaware of it)
- Using my colander without permission & not cleaning it after use
- Splattering water all over my kitchen flooring when she was doing the dishes / cooking
- Failing to clean-up the sink after use
- Eating at my dining table without permission (normally tenants are restricted to the tenanted room, common bathroom & kitchen) & not bothering to clean up after use
- Banging my main door as well as the room’s door
We tried to feedback to our tenant on cleanliness but was advised that her mom had poor eyesight due to diabetes. In addition to that, she did help to mop the floors of our common area as she had nothing to do at home.
So we tolerated the mess created and I’ve been clearing up the kitchen area every time I get home from work.
I have always been proud of my kitchen and it’s glorious granite countertop. I will always wipe them after each & every use without fail. Perhaps the term ‘obsessed’ would be more appropriate because that is how much I love it.
So on last Wednesday, I got back from work & saw my colander placed on top of the basin with shreds of carrot & vegetable stuck on it after use. Resigning to my fate, I washed it clean but whilst I was cleaning it, I glanced over to the other side of my countertop and spotted a scratch on it!
The scratch looked pretty neat and it looked like it was caused by some sharp object.
Enough is enough.
I had been tolerating with all the inconveniences caused and having my property abused. The scratch on my beloved granite top was my bottomline and I banned my tenant from cooking in my kitchen immediately after though both denied that they touched that part of my granite countertop. 😡😡😡
I withheld myself from confronting them directly as the hubs was overseas on a business trip and I had to face this ordeal all by myself. I locked myself up in the bedroom and broke down helplessly and prayed to God questioning Him: “God, WHY must this happen to ME when I’m trying to be a good Christian? I had already tolerated all those nonsense during her stay but why must my beloved granite top get disfigured as a result?”
I think most of you might think that I am crazy to be so affected by a non-living thing. But hey guys.. Imagine if you just bought a new car and you lent it to a friend who returned the car to you with a scratch on it. Guess you can somewhat feel me better if I put it across in this manner right?
Whilst I was lamenting over my scratched granite top (I was hyperventilating), a passage in the bible suddenly appeared over the back of my mind. The passage was Genesis 26: 19-33 about Isaac facing contention whilst he was digging wells.
My Enlightenment from Genesis 26:19-33
Genesis 26:19 – 33
19 Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and discovered a well of fresh water there. 20 But the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac’s herdsmen and said, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek (means dispute), because they disputed with him.21 Then they dug another well, but they quarreled over that one also; so he named it Sitnah (means opposition). 22 He moved on from there and dug another well, and no one quarreled over it. He named it Rehoboth (means room), saying, “Now the LORD has given us room and we will flourish in the land.” 23 From there he went up to Beersheba. 24 That night the LORD appeared to him and said, “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you and will increase the number of your descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham.” Isaac built an altar there and called on the name of the LORD. There he pitched his tent, and there his servants dug a well. 26 Meanwhile, Abimelech had come to him from Gerar, with Ahuzzath his personal adviser and Phicol the commander of his forces.27 Isaac asked them, “Why have you come to me, since you were hostile to me and sent me away?”28 They answered, “We saw clearly that the LORD was with you; so we said, `There ought to be a sworn agreement between us’–between us and you. Let us make a treaty with you 29 that you will do us no harm, just as we did not molest you but always treated you well and sent you away in peace. And now you are blessed by the LORD.” 30 Isaac then made a feast for them, and they ate and drank. 31 Early the next morning the men swore an oath to each other. Then Isaac sent them on their way, and they left him in peace. 32 That day Isaac’s servants came and told him about the well they had dug. They said, “We’ve found water!” 33 He called it Shibah (means oath) and to this day the name of the town has been Beersheba.
From the excerpt above, we can see that Isaac was in a similar situation as myself. He dug a well and the Philistines contended with him over the ownership of the well he dug. Every time they trolled him, Isaac simply moved away to another area and dug new wells again despite his displeasure which was why he named his wells Esek (means dispute) & Sitnah (means opposition).
His act of forbearance was recognised in the eyes of God, which was why the Lord blessed him with Rehoboth (meaning room to flourish in the land). As a result, the Philistines witnessed God’s abidance with Isaac & made peace with him for fear of incurring God’s wrath upon them.
I felt that this incident was God’s test to my forbearance and I was hoping that I can be blessed with peace and roominess after all these pain and heartaches.
How To Stay Calm When Treated Unjustly
So here are a few of my tips on How To Stay Calm When Treated Unjustly.
#1: Be Thankful
I was really depressed and confided in my parents when I returned to their place for dinner the next evening. My mom simply exclaimed: “You silly girl! Any issues that can be resolved with money is not a problem & you should not fret over material things so much!”
Yes indeed, I ought to be thankful that the slab of granite can still be salvaged – we just need to get the granite contractor to polish it. If not, get it replaced by spending.
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having MORE. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
– Oprah Winfrey
I am also thankful that I had true friendship with one of my business partners who referred me to his uncle who owns a construction company. The positive thing is that the scratch can be polished off but it can’t be fully restored to it’s former glory. The polishing fee is SGD200, and we are trying to split it between us & our tenant although we do not have solid evidence that the scratch was caused by them.
#2: Keep Your Mouth Shut
When provoked, we tend to say nasty stuff that might hurt others. The bible mentioned that our tongue is like fire that is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
I think I did right by locking myself up in the bedroom hyperventilating in private because my “murderous intent” was suppressed as a result. 😅
#3: Be Angry, But Not For Long
Being angry for a prolonged period of time makes your health suffer as a result.
You are drinking poison yourself whilst hoping the other party will die as a result. It is the stupidest way to commit suicide but well, I’m the most foolish one here I think.
“26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.“
I still do feel pissed whenever somebody mentioned about my scratched granite countertop but I can feel my anger subsiding over time. I hope I can recover from this ordeal after my granite countertop is polished although it will not be quite the same again.
#4: Let Go & Move On
Sometimes, we just need to learn how to let go & move on after an ordeal has happened.
The damage has been done, period.
No point lamenting over it, rather find ways to salvage it if you can.
Guess I can only comfort myself that God has a greater plan for me through this incident – which is why I am sharing with you guys now.
After my tenant’s mom left, I found out that my fruit knife was misplaced in the utensils holder instead of the knife stand.
Apparently somebody used our knife in our absence and we suspected that the somebody used the knife and cut vegetables on our granite countertop without a chopping board.
Though anguished over the scratched granite countertop, we simply kept this to ourselves and not use this piece of revelation to fault our tenant for damaging our property & compel her to compensate for our loss.
Have you been exasperated when treated unjustly as well?
Do share with me some tips to remain your cool in the comment box down below!
P.S. Sorry for the Christianity references if you are not a Christian. I think these verses can be applicable to our lives be it whether we are Christians or not. 🙃