My Recent Ordeal & Enlightenment on How To Stay Calm When Treated Unjustly
It is common for us to lose our cool when we felt wronged. Same goes to me and I nearly suffered from depression due to an incident which occurred to me recently. Hence I would like to share about my recent ordeal and how to stay calm when treated unjustly.
My experience is definitely not a glamorous one & I expect myself to be judged after I post about this. However, I need to get some stifled emotions out of my chest so that I can feel better. I am a Beauty & Lifestyle blogger but I hope to share a personal aspect of my life here with all of you.
My OCD Syndrome
Both hubs & I got our own apartment when we got married but we need to repay our renovation loans etc. So the hubs proposed to tenant one of our vacant rooms out to help subsidise our monthly expenses. I was against this initially as I think most newly weds would prefer to have more privacy.
As someone with mild OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) & being a perfectionist, I would love my first home to look perfect at all times. This includes:
- things placed back in order after use
- kitchen & common areas to be clean & tidy at all times
- kitchen countertop & floors to be free from splatters of water at all times
- my property & household appliances to be treated with care at all times
I used to have teething issues with my previous tenants messing up my common areas. As time passed, I more or less reconciled with the differences we have and am much less confrontational about cleanliness and bad habits which I used to think are annoying.
My Traumatising Ordeal
About 1 week ago, we allowed our tenant’s mom to put up in the tenanted room for 8 days out of goodwill (and for a nominal fee) as she was in Singapore for a short stay.
As Christians, we were taught to respect the elderly and be courteous to them at all times so I kind of put up with most of her antics including:
- Using my washing machine without permission on my designated laundry day (we had a laundry rooster to stick to but we let it slide since she might be unaware of it)
- Using my colander without permission & not cleaning it after use
- Splattering water all over my kitchen flooring when she was doing the dishes / cooking
- Failing to clean-up the sink after use
- Eating at my dining table without permission (normally tenants are restricted to the tenanted room, common bathroom & kitchen) & not bothering to clean up after use
- Banging my main door as well as the room’s door
We tried to feedback to our tenant on cleanliness but was advised that her mom had poor eyesight due to diabetes. In addition to that, she did help to mop the floors of our common area as she had nothing to do at home.
So we tolerated the mess created and I’ve been clearing up the kitchen area every time I get home from work.
I have always been proud of my kitchen and it’s glorious granite countertop. I will always wipe them after each & every use without fail. Perhaps the term ‘obsessed’ would be more appropriate because that is how much I love it.
So on last Wednesday, I got back from work & saw my colander placed on top of the basin with shreds of carrot & vegetable stuck on it after use. Resigning to my fate, I washed it clean but whilst I was cleaning it, I glanced over to the other side of my countertop and spotted a scratch on it!
The scratch looked pretty neat and it looked like it was caused by some sharp object.
Enough is enough.
I had been tolerating with all the inconveniences caused and having my property abused. The scratch on my beloved granite top was my bottomline and I banned my tenant from cooking in my kitchen immediately after though both denied that they touched that part of my granite countertop. 😡😡😡
I withheld myself from confronting them directly as the hubs was overseas on a business trip and I had to face this ordeal all by myself. I locked myself up in the bedroom and broke down helplessly and prayed to God questioning Him: “God, WHY must this happen to ME when I’m trying to be a good Christian? I had already tolerated all those nonsense during her stay but why must my beloved granite top get disfigured as a result?”
I think most of you might think that I am crazy to be so affected by a non-living thing. But hey guys.. Imagine if you just bought a new car and you lent it to a friend who returned the car to you with a scratch on it. Guess you can somewhat feel me better if I put it across in this manner right?
Whilst I was lamenting over my scratched granite top (I was hyperventilating), a passage in the bible suddenly appeared over the back of my mind. The passage was Genesis 26: 19-33 about Isaac facing contention whilst he was digging wells.
My Enlightenment from Genesis 26:19-33
Genesis 26:19 – 33
19 Isaac’s servants dug in the valley and discovered a well of fresh water there. 20 But the herdsmen of Gerar quarreled with Isaac’s herdsmen and said, “The water is ours!” So he named the well Esek (means dispute), because they disputed with him.21 Then they dug another well, but they quarreled over that one also; so he named it Sitnah (means opposition). 22 He moved on from there and dug another well, and no one quarreled over it. He named it Rehoboth (means room), saying, “Now the LORD has given us room and we will flourish in the land.” 23 From there he went up to Beersheba. 24 That night the LORD appeared to him and said, “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bless you and will increase the number of your descendants for the sake of my servant Abraham.” Isaac built an altar there and called on the name of the LORD. There he pitched his tent, and there his servants dug a well. 26 Meanwhile, Abimelech had come to him from Gerar, with Ahuzzath his personal adviser and Phicol the commander of his forces.27 Isaac asked them, “Why have you come to me, since you were hostile to me and sent me away?”28 They answered, “We saw clearly that the LORD was with you; so we said, `There ought to be a sworn agreement between us’–between us and you. Let us make a treaty with you 29 that you will do us no harm, just as we did not molest you but always treated you well and sent you away in peace. And now you are blessed by the LORD.” 30 Isaac then made a feast for them, and they ate and drank. 31 Early the next morning the men swore an oath to each other. Then Isaac sent them on their way, and they left him in peace. 32 That day Isaac’s servants came and told him about the well they had dug. They said, “We’ve found water!” 33 He called it Shibah (means oath) and to this day the name of the town has been Beersheba.
From the excerpt above, we can see that Isaac was in a similar situation as myself. He dug a well and the Philistines contended with him over the ownership of the well he dug. Every time they trolled him, Isaac simply moved away to another area and dug new wells again despite his displeasure which was why he named his wells Esek (means dispute) & Sitnah (means opposition).
His act of forbearance was recognised in the eyes of God, which was why the Lord blessed him with Rehoboth (meaning room to flourish in the land). As a result, the Philistines witnessed God’s abidance with Isaac & made peace with him for fear of incurring God’s wrath upon them.
I felt that this incident was God’s test to my forbearance and I was hoping that I can be blessed with peace and roominess after all these pain and heartaches.
How To Stay Calm When Treated Unjustly
So here are a few of my tips on How To Stay Calm When Treated Unjustly.
#1: Be Thankful
It's not happy people who are thankful. It's thankful people who are happy! Click To Tweet
I was really depressed and confided in my parents when I returned to their place for dinner the next evening. My mom simply exclaimed: “You silly girl! Any issues that can be resolved with money is not a problem & you should not fret over material things so much!”
Yes indeed, I ought to be thankful that the slab of granite can still be salvaged – we just need to get the granite contractor to polish it. If not, get it replaced by spending.
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having MORE. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
– Oprah Winfrey
I am also thankful that I had true friendship with one of my business partners who referred me to his uncle who owns a construction company. The positive thing is that the scratch can be polished off but it can’t be fully restored to it’s former glory. The polishing fee is SGD200, and we are trying to split it between us & our tenant although we do not have solid evidence that the scratch was caused by them.
#2: Keep Your Mouth Shut
When provoked, we tend to say nasty stuff that might hurt others. The bible mentioned that our tongue is like fire that is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
James 3:5-12
5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
I think I did right by locking myself up in the bedroom hyperventilating in private because my “murderous intent” was suppressed as a result. 😅
#3: Be Angry, But Not For Long
Being angry for a prolonged period of time makes your health suffer as a result.
You are drinking poison yourself whilst hoping the other party will die as a result. It is the stupidest way to commit suicide but well, I’m the most foolish one here I think.
Ephesians 4:26-27
“26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.“
I still do feel pissed whenever somebody mentioned about my scratched granite countertop but I can feel my anger subsiding over time. I hope I can recover from this ordeal after my granite countertop is polished although it will not be quite the same again.
#4: Let Go & Move On
Sometimes, we just need to learn how to let go & move on after an ordeal has happened.
You don't Drown by falling in the water, You Drown by STAYING THERE Click To Tweet
The damage has been done, period.
No point lamenting over it, rather find ways to salvage it if you can.
Let go of the past so that God can open the door to your future. Click To Tweet
Guess I can only comfort myself that God has a greater plan for me through this incident – which is why I am sharing with you guys now.
Latest Development
After my tenant’s mom left, I found out that my fruit knife was misplaced in the utensils holder instead of the knife stand.
Apparently somebody used our knife in our absence and we suspected that the somebody used the knife and cut vegetables on our granite countertop without a chopping board.
Though anguished over the scratched granite countertop, we simply kept this to ourselves and not use this piece of revelation to fault our tenant for damaging our property & compel her to compensate for our loss.
———————-
Have you been exasperated when treated unjustly as well?
Do share with me some tips to remain your cool in the comment box down below!
P.S. Sorry for the Christianity references if you are not a Christian. I think these verses can be applicable to our lives be it whether we are Christians or not. 🙃
x♥x♥

43 comments
I totally see myself in this story and sometimes I really need to let it go and move on, but easier said than done you know! Anyway, thanks for the tips!
Oh dear oh dear, well its good the tenant’s ma has moved out. I too am learning how I react to things that happen to me that I don’t like. It seems like it takes a lifetime of training, I’m getting better I think but still have lots of room for improvement. I have developed a kind of blocking mechanism for some things. It may not be healthy but it works and as life gets harder as we get older its important not to stay in a negative angry space for long. I think its good with your problem that not only could it fixed but you had people to confide in. The latter helps a lot, I was fuming about something someone had done to me recently but I chatted it out with a good mate and although I am not la la laaa!!! about it, I am in a much better place over all. Have a good Thurs hon ( :
I can totally feel your pain. These things are not only really upsetting but they show the lack of rspect of certain people!
Hello Dear,
I am thankful that you have shared this. I am glad that you also posted solutions. Letting go is so good for the soul!
I’m so sorry that your beautiful kitchen was defaced. I value my home and take immense care of it so I would be very disappointed and hurt if something happened to it due to someones negligence. I’m glad you were able to reflect on the whole ordeal and come up with some positive coping mechanisms in the end!
xoxo Rina Samantha
Aww Aldora. Sorry to hear this happened to you. Be thankful that damage is just to material things and not to good health and loved ones. That cannot be repaired as well, but what is most important and things you loved most are in good shape, and that is important. I was be really disheartened if someone put scratches on my most favourited handbags or valued items… it’s in situations like those that we always have to remind ourselves that things could be worse. Better the countertop than a loved one’s safety and health.
Xo,
Miki
Thank you for sharing your tips and tricks on how to deal effectively with situations when you are unfairly treated by others! Wonderful photos my dear! Have a great weekend 🙂
xo, Yasmin
Oh girl that is so frustrating. I’m not as near as you, but when I share I expect my things to be treAted nicely. I would have been so upset! Sorry babe.
I absolutely feel your pain. I can understand the depression and the frustration and I really respect the way you tried so hard to reflect on the experience and the way you are able to rise above through the use of faith and gratitude. Truly inspiring, Aldora !
I totally know how you feel, my dad taught us always respect other people properties even when i stay in hotel, being always careful. I don’t understand when people can’t be careful about places that doesn’t belong to them. I hope you can relax this weekend and think something positive, To much anger is not good for your body and people around you.
Same here. Guess our upbringing is similar and we will always treat other people’s things like our own in order not to inconvenience others. I too don’t understand why people fail to take reasonable care of my property and took our kindness for granted. However on the other hand, I think the damage was not intentional and all of us were unhappy as a result. Hope we get the top fixed soon 🙁
I hate when people are so so stupid, when you explain to them and they don’t listen anyway. hope you can relax this weekend!
Sorry to hear about your experience hon and I’m also super anal about people looking after my property and nothing angers me more than people being negligent or just inconsiderate but I think you handled yourself and learning how to handle these situations is incredibly important!
Helen xx
Oh my god. I would be pissed! Would it have been able to stay calm haha. It’s not crazy. We all have our little OCD things. Good for you for staying calm
Oh dear it must have been so traumatising and exasperating to face this situation on your own!
I am Glad she isn’t a permanent tenant else it would have been hard to deal with that.
At the end of all this it does sounds like you learnt a bit more about urself and how to cope with situations and I think that is the good thing you got out of it.
That sounds terrible! I probably wouldn’t be able to keep calm, I admire your strength.
What are you going to about the counter top?
Thanks Jerneja. We’re considering to polish it. It costs SGD200 for the granite contractor to polish and the gloss won’t be the same afterwards 🙁 At least the scratch will be less visible I hope..
Hello dear!!!
I ‘m so sorry ABOUTWHAT HAPPENED, BUT YOU’RE ARE CHRISTIAN AND YOU NOW HOW RESOLVED THEM IN DIPLOMATHIC MODE 🙂
THE SAME TIME I’M ANGRY TOO WHEN SOMEONE DON’T RESPECT THE EFFORT AND THE WORK WHAT YOU PUT INTO YOUR HOUSE , TO MAKE IT MORE COMFORTABLE AND NICE .
XX
EVA
I’m gad you shared this post Aldora! I too have a heightened sense of justice and get incredibly frustrated by injustice and wrongdoing. But I too am also Christian, and while I often forget these important points, they are incredibly wise and of course, supported by biblical passages as well. I’m glad you found the passage in Genesis helpful (I can’t believe I never remembered it until now!) as it relates perfectly to these types of situations. I’m also a huge fan of the Ephesians verses as well. What’s even better is that all of these lessons apply to all other aspects of our lives too – injustice, general conflicts, marital discourse. etc. I hope God can relieve all of these things weighing on your heart and you can find joy in His goodness! 🙂
Girl, people have borrowed my things and returned them damaged and ruined. It’s upsetting when things like this happen and I totally get you can’t replace a granite countertop so easily, but they are material things at the end of the day and we live for things that are beyond this earth. I hope you can find peace and learn to be thankful in all that you have and trust that God is good. He is teaching us patience and to rely on Him fully in everything!!
There are only certain levels of people acting in an improper way one can accept as a Christian (or non Christian for that matter) and as I just like you have OCD and am a complete perfectionist that scratch on the granite would probably have made me murderous too. However, with the years and with the guidance of God I have learned to forgive, forget and get along with it. Wasting so much energy over something that superficial isn’t good for you and your parents were completely right when they said it can be replaced with money. And hey, at least she DID the dishes, haha.
Hope you’ve calmed down!
xoxo
Thomas
Hello dear firts in principal I feel so sorry for this bad situation. Is very frustrating trust in somebody and suddenly just realize that this person just had cross the line. I´m a very sensitive person and all this things just drive crazy but for our own peace we need to forgive of this terrible things. Thanks for sharing your experience babe. Hope everything get better. Kisses.
I am so sorry about what happened, sweetie! I know it so hard to keep up with things that people do. Especially when they are done to us. God is the only one who can heal our hearts and I think you have the correct views when approaching this situation. Xx, Gina
Hi sweetie, I can understand how you must have felt. I wish it didn’t happen, but there are some things out of our control and just happened. We can only learn and grow from them. I can only say I’m so glad you are seeking in God’s word for guidance and strength.
Feel better, the best is yet to come..
Hugs from Miami
xx Hadasah
Oh no, now I remember when you asked how to fix a scratch on granite top. So sorry dear this happened to you. And you are right, we have to keep calm and move on eventually in situations like this. Hope everything can only get better from here! Sending much love
xo
-Lily
Wow! I have mild OCD as well and I was already cringing when I was reading all the woman did, and I can share in your anger about your granite top. It’s quite sad that we have to go through all this,
It’s not the easiest thing but as you have stated, we have to let go and be free in the end. From personal experiences, I have lost many good friends because of my perfectionist attitude
Everyone has a different level of tolerance for things and it sounds like you’ve been tested to the limit lately. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having tenant issues and sorrier to hear about the scratch on your beautiful granite counter top. 🙁 Your tips for staying calm are wise and useful and I hope you feel peaceful again very soon.
Love, Liz
Aw so sorry this happened to you babe! I do agree with your mom that problems that can be solved with money are not real problems to some degree! Just try not to sweat it too much as long as it was not intentional. I do think you handled it well by not letting your anger take over in how you treated them!
xx
This sounds so awful, I can’t believe you went through all of this. It’s heartbreaking because you had just got married and this is your first place together, I totally understand how you felt and your tolerance is much more than mine. You definitely handled the situation well, much better than I would have. Thank you for sharing your tips on staying calm on such situations. And I really hope you are feeling better about the whole situation.
xxx
Sarah
That would drive me nuts too – that said you probably shouldn’t have tenants if you’re so OCD. I have a really hard time with people in my personal space. These days I have my siblings coming and going in my house (and leaving messes) and as much as I love them it can get frustrating. I’m so impressed that you kept your cool. I would have been screaming.
XO
While my story is completely different this week, I felt with the same feeling about a business relationship going south and feeling as though I’ve been taken advantage of. This issue may have to play out in court and while I have a free conscious and documentation that shows I’m without blame, it does not mean that the stress of someone being unkind hurts any less. I had the same thoughts as a Christian thinking, “Why is this other person who claims to follow Jesus trying to exploit me.” I spoke in emotion and confusion and should have just kept my mouth shut and prayed and processed before respond BUT no weapon formed against me will prosper. I am so sorry for your granite! We just bought a new home and I know just how expensive new countertops are! I’m so glad this was the first post I read this week because it was an encouraging reminder of God’s faithfulness.
Manda
Oh, I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s very frustrating but I hope you are feeling better about the whole situation. xx
I’m so sorry about your kitchen babe.
Yes things happen in life sometimes and thanks for sharing your tips for staying calm. I’m a hot-headed person and when things happen I tend to over-react for half of the time. Sometimes I regret the things I have done or said by not processing it properly in my head. Your tips have been very helpful. Thanks for sharing.
Xx, Jessie
Ugh good roommates or tenants in your case, but still kind of a roommate. They are so hard to find. Believe me I have probably lived with crazy and crazier during my 3.5 years in LA . Be grateful for that this was just a temporary situation!
I’m so sorry to hear about this experience! I know how difficult it is so live in the same house with people you don’t know well… And yes it’s frustrating when people are not following your rules… What can I say? Hope you’ll be able to figure out this situation soon…
Im so sorry that you had to go through this Aldora!
Your reaction was right you dont have to blame yourself for anything. I hope everything is much better now, and that you are okay!
Sending lots of love,
Ana
Found myself in a lot of the things you pointed out. When getting upset I usually tend to shut up as well, else I would say a lot of bad stuff, lol. And sorry about your granite.
Love,
Andreea
I am so sorry to hear about your counter top. I can totally relate to you in wanting all things in place and clean in the apartment. Great steps in how to handle a sticky situation like this. You did great
xo
Anju
I know exactly what you mean, I think we all go thru this kind of thing. I do hope and Im very certain something better will come along your way. I’m so sorry for your granite! Is it fixable?
Cheers on the great advice, I need to do a few of this
Wow this is an awesome post. Thank you for opening up. I really love the tweet quote. So good.
I know how difficult it is so live in the same house with other people, I lived for 6 year abroad, and It was very difficult. The important thing is to letting go.
And I’m so sorry about your granite.
Such a great post! I’m so Type A, so I know exactly how you feel! My living room and kitchen have to look spotless and clean at all times. I get anxiety giving red wine to my guests! Love these tips! Holding grudges gets us nowhere.
love this post! xx